Imagine what an honour it was to have been chosen as one of Jesus’ twelve disciples. How would we have felt if we were present on the day our Saviour said: “follow me, and I will make you fishers of men”? That special dozen must have been an incredible group, right? Except we know they weren’t. As we read the gospels, we discover they were just ordinary people with struggles and weaknesses like you and me. They included a denier, a doubter, and even a betrayer. Do you find that off-putting? Perhaps it feels like a bit of a let-down. Well it doesn’t for me. in fact, it’s the total opposite. Reading about these flawed but favoured men encourages me that if Jesus could use them despite everything, then he can use me too.
Let’s start by thinking about Thomas. I feel sorry for him because he’s always referred to as the doubter. Poor guy! I mean, I get fearful sometimes, but people don’t point at me when I walk into a room and say: “here comes Alex the fearful!” Thomas got his negative reputation from the incident following Jesus’ resurrection, when the lord appeared to the other disciples on an occasion when Thomas wasn’t present. When they told their friend about it, he was understandably dubious. He said, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side.” (John 20: 25.)
Before we judge him too harshly, let’s try and put ourselves in his place. The idea of a dead man being raised and appearing in a room full of his friends would have seemed impossible. It defies the logical brain. I rely on logic far too much, and it often gets me into trouble and leads me to doubt. When faced with the impossible, I react with doubt instead of confidence and faith, so I too am a doubting Thomas. What about you?
A few years ago, Jonathan and I were forced into a house move we hadn’t planned, and I couldn’t imagine a home that could be better than the one we currently lived in. I was imagining all sorts, including having to go and live with our parents for a while. Then I started wondering how we would store all our belongings, and round my thoughts went until my doubtful and fearful brain consumed me. In the end, God provided the beautiful home in which we live today, and it was above and beyond anything I could have hoped for.
Jesus quashed Thomas’s doubts with love. He appeared again to the disciples in a closed room and allowed his friend to put his hand into the wound in his side. He said: “Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe.” (John 20; 27B.) he gives the same invitation to you and me.
Then there’s peter. If Thomas was the doubter, peter was the denier, and surely that’s even worse! You and I might shake our heads as we read his story and pronounce: “shameful! I’d never do that! After all Jesus did for him!” But remember, peter was sure he’d never deny his Saviour. “Even if everyone else deserts you, I never will.” (Mark 14: 29.) When Jesus said he would, he was up in arms! (Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you.” (Mark 14: 31.) But when push came to shove, he did it. No wonder the chapter ends with the words: “Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And he broke down and wept.” (Mark 14: 72.)
I might not have denied Jesus verbally like peter did, but how often have I denied him in the way I live? How often have I gone my own way, in opposition to what I know Jesus wanted me to do? Or I’ve denied him in the way I mistreat others. I am meant to be his ambassador here on earth – to be his hands and feet and to show his love, but sometimes my actions aren’t loving. So I deny him as surely as Peter did.
Jesus restored peter. After his resurrection, he made sure peter knew he was still loved and included. When the angel spoke to the women at the tomb, he said: “Now go and tell his disciples, including peter, that Jesus is going ahead of you to Galilee.” (Mark 16: 7A.) then in John 21 he asks the apostle three times if he loves him, and just as Peter formerly denied him three times, he now affirms his love for Jesus. Peter was given a second chance. I have been given a third, a fourth, a fifth, and on and on. Rest assured that you will be too. If you feel you have denied him in any way, just ask for his forgiveness and ask him to help you move on.
Finally, there is the worst thing of all – betrayal. Here is where I introduce you to Judas, always listed as the twelfth disciple and the one who betrayed his Lord. In John 17 verse 12, Judas is mentioned as “The one headed for destruction, as the scriptures foretold.” Sadly, in order for prophecy to be fulfilled and Jesus to be hung on a cross, someone had to betray him, and that someone was Judas. Was he one of those who had hoped Jesus would lead a rebellion to take back their land from the Romans by force? Or was he just an opportunist? We know he was greedy. As the group’s treasurer, he had a habit of dipping his fingers into the funds and taking some for himself. We are clearly told this in John 12 verse 6, in the account where he criticised Mary of Bethany for wasting expensive perfume to anoint Jesus instead of selling it and giving the money to the poor. At the very least, Judas was a hypocrite. We all say we hate hypocrisy, until we find ourselves guilty of it. then we make excuses and try and call it by another name. I found out recently that the root meaning of the Greek word hypocrite is someone who wears a mask. Well, I have worn all sorts of masks in my life, many of which I am not proud of. Do I say one thing while inwardly feeling another? Am I kind to a person’s face, but critical of them in my heart? Even worse,, have I betrayed Jesus by my actions or words?
Thomas, Peter, and Judas are just three of the twelve disciples. We don’t know a lot about some of the others, but I imagine that if we did, we’d find similar weaknesses and character flaws, because like us, they were human. While we are not to use our humanity as an excuse to sin, neither should we allow guilt over our sin to distance us from the only one who can restore us. Thomas and peter were restored. Church tradition tells us they both did great things in the name of the Gospel. WE know a lot about Peter from the book of Acts, and he even raised the dead. Peter the denier became one of the leaders of the New Testament church. Sadly, Judas’s end came when he hung himself. While this too was a fulfilment of prophecy, I always feel grieved when I read about it. Judas stands out as the ultimate unrepentant sinner. His life ended in tragedy and his story was never redeemed.
As I write this, I am looking back on well over thirty years of following Jesus. I can think of times of doubt, denial, betrayal, and much worse. Yet I have always been forgiven. I still have many lessons to learn, but my Saviour is patient. In the words of 1John 1 verses 8 and 9: “If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”