When I was growing up, one of my favourite films was The Sound of Music. I think I watched it so much I could practically quote it word for word. Maybe I still could if I thought about it hard enough. One of the parts I liked best was when Maria left the convent – her safe place. All she’d ever wanted was to be a nun, and now she was being challenged with the possibility that perhaps this wasn’t god’s will for her after all. She begged to be allowed to remain but was firmly but lovingly pushed out of the nest by the reverend mother. And as she leaves the convent, she says: “When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window,” before launching into a rousing song about confidence.
I have often felt like Maria – sorely lacking in confidence, yet pretending I had bucket-loads of the stuff. One of the most notable occasions was on 9 August 2011, when I prepared to press the letter m on my computer-keyboard to speak to an internet radio audience for the first time. I don’t know how many people were listening to that show, but I would have felt equally nervous no matter how low or high the numbers turned out to be. I can still hear the shake in my voice as I listen back to the recording, where I introduced myself and explained why I had chosen the name Worship Unlimited for my new show.
I wouldn’t have even had the confidence to think about broadcasting if it hadn’t been for my two lovely friends Bruce and Caroline who believed in me and taught me how to operate the new software I had to use. I could have chosen to do any kind of show, as my taste in music has always been pretty varied, but I felt from the outset that I needed to use internet radio as a means of sharing the gospel.
Ten and a half years later, on 22 December 2021, I pressed that letter m to switch on the microphone again. Only this time it was to say goodbye. Another season in my life was drawing to an end. Another door was gently swinging closed. I say gently because I have never been a believer in slammed or locked doors. The option will always be there to do another show, all be it a one-off for Christmas, Easter, or some other special occasion, and I certainly don’t intend closing the door on the wonderful friendships I have made as a result of my ten-year broadcasting career.
A lot has changed in ten years, both internally and externally. I started out broadcasting alone. I ended with a co-host and having Lou working alongside me was a huge blessing. I began hesitant, merely playing music, greeting listeners, and talking a little about my life between songs. I closed with the confidence to conclude each show with a live prayer that sometimes went on for over fifteen minutes, depending on the number of requests we received. The first time the Lord challenged me to pray on air I was scared stiff, but it became a special part of the show, especially during difficult times like the recent pandemic, or when I knew particular listeners were going through trying times of suffering. I was privileged to receive words from the Lord, resulting in beautiful emails from people who said God had used me to say just the right thing at the right time. That was such a humbling experience.
So why did I give it all up? When a ministry becomes as much a part of you as Worship Unlimited was for me, it’s so easy to just keep on keeping on. It becomes what you do – part of your identity. It gives you that feeling of satisfaction that you are making an impact for the Kingdom. Yet as Solomon so beautifully put it in the third chapter of the book of Ecclesiastes: “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.” Sometimes I think we become so absorbed in what we’re doing – so convinced that this is the way it’s always going to have to be, that we miss out on God’s seasons.
I began feeling a turning of the seasons at the beginning of 2021. I had always loved broadcasting, but I became tired. I felt I was lacking in energy and had less to give than in previous years. So I did what I felt to be the sensible thing. I took two weeks off. I hadn’t done much of that during my ten years, so I thought it would be the making of me – that I would come back all refreshed and eager to go on. Yet I didn’t. The restlessness was still there.
Next, I tried convincing myself I was just being lazy, or that this was an attack of the enemy to try and stop me being fruitful in the ministry God had given me. So I prayed, gritted my teeth, and carried on through the summer. Instead of the feelings passing, they only grew, and as the summer drew to a close, I began asking God more specific questions about Worship Unlimited. I dared to lay my cards out on the table and ask him if my time as a broadcaster was coming to an end.
Then finally, as September came to a close, I had my answer, and I felt God’s peace about letting it go. Even then I held back from telling anyone just in case he would change his mind. But the day came, and the emails were sent out. Since Christmas has always been a special time for me and my listeners, I felt it would be the perfect time for the curtain to fall, and so it did.
Now as I sit here at the beginning of a new year, it feels strange not to be planning a radio show for Wednesday evening. However, some things haven’t changed. I still feel the Lord wants me to continue with this website, and I will do so for as long as he inspires me with devotionals and new ideas.
A door has closed, but somewhere a window is opening. I can only feel the slightest breeze gently playing with my hair at the moment, and I’m not totally sure what direction the wind will take. However, I have an inkling that God is calling me to return to one of my earliest passions going right back to my childhood – creative writing.
The Lord gives his children all kinds of gifts. Sometimes we use a gift for a season, and then we are presented with another to be used for what God has for us next. I always wrote, as far back as I can remember. I blush at some of my earliest attempts at stories, but I have to remind myself of how young I was when I wrote them. During my two weeks break last spring, I tentatively sat by my computer to see if I could still do it. I kept feeling this urge to write, but there was never enough time. I came up with every excuse in the book. Then I took the plunge, and it was like a dam burst inside me. I won’t tell you how many pages I have written since because it’s embarrassing. It’s enough to say that I’m well and truly addicted, and I’m loving my not so new old hobby. How far it will take me is up to Jesus, but I’m eternally grateful to be walking into this new season with him holding my hand. Although some things in life change, he never does. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
I want to end by thanking all of you who have supported Worship Unlimited for the past ten years and encouraging you to keep coming back to this website for weekly fellowship. That’s why I do this – because God shares words and ideas with me, and I simply pass them on to all of you. I wish you a happy and blessed new year, and I pray that we will end 2022 closer to our Saviour than we have ever been before. As Lysa TerKeurst, the President of Proverbs 31 Ministries continually loves to remind us: “God is good. God is good to me. God is good at being God.” That is an eternal truth, no matter the season.