There’s a lot of fear in our world at the moment. In fact, I think 2020 has to be one of the most fear-provoking years I’ve ever known, as much of our world has been in lockdown and people have been prevented from socialising with one another. Even now that we are allowed to meet up in small groups, some people are understandably still fearful.
I must be honest and admit fear is something I’ve struggled with for many years. I guess you could say it’s my Achilles heel. As a teenager, I suffered from crippling panic attacks which took over my life until it was hard for me to function.
When the pandemic first started, I was absolutely paralysed with fear that I was going to lose my mother. I kept hearing that the over 70s were especially vulnerable, and my thoughts started running away with me, despite the fact that my mother is only barely in her seventies, and she’s stronger and healthier than a lot of the young people I know. I was just plane scared, to the point where I didn’t want her breathing outside the house! In hindsight, maybe it has something to do with the fact she’s the only parent I have left, but in any case, for the first few weeks of lockdown, it totally consumed me, and that wasn’t physically or spiritually healthy.
I’ve been told that the words fear not, or don’t fear, or something similar, can be found in the Bible about 365 times. I haven’t actually counted to see how accurate that is, but it means there’s roughly one fear not for every day of the year. I think that’s because God knows his children are prone to struggle with fear. And as the world around us gets darker, with more uncertainties and scary things hiding around every corner, it stands to reason there will be more things for us to be afraid of.
I’ve had a lot of internal battles, because I know God doesn’t want me to be afraid. In fact, I’ve had people point out it’s a sin to fear. The trouble is, that makes me feel worse, because then I feel guilty for sinning and constantly letting God down. Throughout these past few months, I’ve come to understand that God knows I struggle with fear. He doesn’t come down on me like a ton of bricks, but he does want me to give those fears over to him so he can help me.
I’ve heard fear being defined as ‘False evidence appearing real.’, and I’d say this is a very good definition. When we’re fearful, molehills become mountains, little problems become monsters. And the more we think of the object of our dread, the worse it gets in our minds. WE start inventing scary scenarios. Hands up who’s never done that! We lie awake and plan how we’ll react if such and such happens, and every time we imagine it, it becomes a little bit worse, and we add to the imaginary picture.
That’s what kept happening to me, until the Lord reminded me of how he’s helped me face my fears before and has always brought me out on the other side stronger in him. I thought back to how close Jesus felt when my father died, and how he enabled me to do things that felt impossible, like playing the piano at his funeral. More specifically, I remembered the strength Jesus gave me on the actual night Dad died – the night I’d been dreading for many years. I didn’t fall apart as I’d always assumed I would, because Jesus was holding me close. I was even able to give strength and practical help to my mother.
Sometimes bad things do happen. Sometimes the things we’ve feared do come upon us. That’s what happened with Job, wasn’t it? (Job 3: 25.) Yet often, our fears just stay as anxieties that flood our minds and unsettle our souls, and all they destroy is our peace, our well-being, and our sense of intimacy with God, because we struggle to feel his closeness when we’re so consumed by fear that we can’t hear his voice.
While pondering this, I thought about the prophet Elijah. In 1Kings 18, we read about the wonderful victory God gave him over the false prophets of Baal. Elijah made his stand against the pagan worship and shoed the people who the true God was. He even taunted his enemies when their so-called god didn’t answer when they cried out to him.
On this occasion, Elijah was bold as a lion. Yet in the following chapter, we find him behaving in a totally contradictory way, and the change is brought about by fear. This just goes to show that even the best of us can all be full of faith one minute, and full of fear the next.
In 1Kings 19 verses 1-5, we read: “Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.” Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.”
Elijah is scared of a threat from Israel’s wicked queen Jessabelle. In fact, he’s so afraid that he seems to have slipped into a deep depression. We know that because of the way he curled up under a tree and fell asleep. Fear causes depression, which leads to apathy, and often, its victim just wants to shut out the world and sleep.
But the good news is that God didn’t leave the prophet under that tree. He didn’t get angry and say: “You should know better, Elijah! You’ve seen my power against the false prophets, and now look at you curled up like a frightened child! You’re insulting me by being afraid, so I’m going to wash my hands of you. You obviously haven’t taken any notice of any of the lessons I’ve taught you about my power and might, so that’s it.” God did the total opposite. He sent an angel to feed and care for his depressed and fearful servant, and he helped Elijah regain his strength.
This is also what God has always done for me when I’ve fallen into fear and depression. It’s what he did for me recently when I was so consumed by fear over losing my mother.
Fear is indeed ‘False evidence appearing real.’ we see that here in the story of Elijah, because when God finally asks him in verse 9: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
He answers out of his fear. “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (1Kings 19: 10)
God doesn’t respond right away. Instead, he tells Elijah to go out and stand on the mountain and promises to let his presence pass by. And of course, when the presence of God does finally come, it’s not in a whirlwind or an earthquake as we might expect, but rather, in a gentle whisper (1Kings 19: 12). After this, God repeats his question, and Elijah gives the same answer. But this time, God encourages his prophet that he still has work for him to do. Furthermore, God informs him that he’s far from being the only loyal prophet left. Verse 18 says: “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”
What a relief that must have been for Elijah! He’s not on his own! False evidence had indeed appeared real. Elijah’s thoughts had run away with him.
Fear is a horrible and crippling thing, but God has a solution for us just as he did for Elijah, and we’ll discuss it next week in part 2 of this devotional.