The Gift Of Friendship.

During the winter of 2010, in the midst of a serious bout of insomnia, I discovered internet radio, and more specifically, a gospel music show that aired for one hour at 3 A.M. on Monday mornings. This was just the pick me up I needed, as I was getting more and more frustrated due to lack of sleep.

I started listening to more shows, and made friends with some of the presenters on Twitter. Then, one night, again around 3 A.M., I saw that Bruce Toews, the host of Bruce’s Gospel Hour, had started an online Yahtzee game. So I joined, and we started chatting. Soon, I was also chatting to his then girlfriend, now wife, Caroline, and the rest, as they say was history. A beautiful friendship was born, which I firmly believe was both instigated and blessed by the Lord. WE never thought we’d actually get to meet. They live in Canada, and I am in the UK, but last year, God made the unlikely possible, and I was able to spend 5 fabulous days with them at their apartment in Winnipeg. This was followed up by Caroline coming here to the UK for 3 weeks at the end of April. It was thanks to Bruce and Caroline that I was able to begin my journey of internet broadcasting. This is one of many ways I have been blessed through our friendship.

Caroline’s recent visit has really brought the subject of friendship to the forefront of my mind. During my life, I have been blessed with many special friends, some of whom have been related to me by blood. One of my best friends was my grandmother, Nana Dil, who went home to be with Jesus over a decade ago. I also have incredible friends like Lou and Sarah, who have helped me more times than I can count, including writing for this website. Plus, Lou is of course my co-host on Worship Unlimited.

Back in the 90s, I was a huge Queen fan, and I used to love one of their songs, reminding us that “Friends will be friends. When you’re in need of love, they give you care and attention.” Yet, Christian friendship is so much more, because along with the care and attention comes prayer, encouragement, and maybe even a bit of challenging now and again. A close friend with whom we are one in the Lord can sometimes be called upon by Jesus to help us see things in a different light, or to help us get back on the right track, but a true friend will know when to speak, and when to stay silent. They won’t kick us when we’re down, but wait for the right God-given opportunity.

I believe one of the saddest issues many people face today is loneliness. We are living in a world where outwardly, there is more social interaction than ever before. We may have 100 friends on Facebook, or 200 on Twitter, yet we may still feel lonely, because so many of these are just surface relationships. Although we call them friends, we would never share more than the mundane details of life – what we’re eating, the shops we enjoy visiting, etc. And have you noticed that we always show our best side in this superficial world of so-called friendship? WE see someone’s happy holiday pictures, wish our lives were that perfect, and then discover weeks later they actually had a horrible time, and couldn’t wait to get home.

I believe we all need true friends – those who will come alongside us rejoicing when we rejoice, and mourning when we mourn. In the book of Job, Job’s 3 friends are often criticised for the harsh and judgemental words they spoke during his greatest time of need, but we forget that before any words were uttered, they wept, tore their robes, sprinkled dust on their heads, and sat on the ground with Job for 7 days and 7 nights, not saying a word because they saw how great his suffering was. (Job 2: 11-13.) Sometimes, just sitting with a suffering friend is all they really need. We search in vain for the right words, because often, there are no words, and we end up saying the wrong things to fill the silent gaps, when all they want is for us to enter into their suffering and hold their hands. We fail to appreciate the importance of just being there.

The Bible has a lot to say about the subject of friendship. In the book of Genesis, Abraham has the privilege of being called God’s friend, but when Jesus walked this earth in human form, he seems to have extended that offer of friendship firstly to his disciples, and then, I believe, to all of us. John 15 verse 15 says: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I have learned from my father I have made known to you.” Jesus teaches by example that a key element of friendship is intimate sharing, but in human relationships, sharing comes with risk. What if the person betrays us, or doesn’t value our friendship as highly as we do?

We have all been hurt and betrayed in friendships, and if we’re not careful, this will harden us, and stop us trying again with others in the future. This is exactly what our enemy wants, because isolation breeds loneliness. I know the Lord is the only person who can be completely trusted. He will never let us down, break our confidences, or devalue our friendships, but human beings were not created to be islands. We are told to bare one another’s burdens, because this is part of fulfilling the law of Christ. (Galatians 6: 2.) We are told to pity the man who falls down, and has no one to help him up. (Ecclesiastes 4: 10.) These are just 2 of many Biblical illustrations of the importance of friendship.

If you have given up on people due to past hurts, I’d like to encourage you to open your heart once again to the relationships God wants to bring into your life. With Jesus as your best friend, he will prompt you by his Spirit, encouraging you to open up to one person, while giving you a sense of caution to be more careful what you say around others. Just remember that no human being is ever going to be perfect, so please give your friends room to make mistakes, and go on loving them, just as you hope they will overlook your failures and shortcomings. We’re all on this journey together, learning from our heavenly master, so let’s make it our business to encourage one another, and share our burdens as we collectively cast them upon the one who cares for us.